I’m sure there are many out there that might think I’m insane for mentioning such things, but I’m typing this for those that feel it too so they know they aren’t alone. That constant scream inside at yourself, the one that is intolerant of everything you do. That doubt that the step you are taking is correct, and that desire to make things better being the only motivator.
Over the last 5-6 weeks, I’ve unburied old feelings I had before 2008 which was a physical/mental/emotional/life changing period of my life due to an accident that nearly killed me. I’ve thought about it quite a bit since. I had a personal goal to actually make something of my life in special forces, and that was the pivot point which stopped it all. With the last month and half of pushing myself physically, I’ve learned I’m still the same man I used to be and I am better than I ever was. I’ve found that by abusing myself physically through different forms of physical exertion/exercise, the hormones change and dull the pain a touch. It takes a while but it slowly makes that die away until you have that fire, drive, ambition to do what you can before it’s too late. That being said, you’re not alone and that scream never goes away inside. You just learn during that work, you are in control of yourself. I may have said it in joke before but the mantra, “Pain is weakness leaving the body” really does hold true if you don’t fear pain. Love is out there from me to you all.
And with that, as a single leg amputee with a military-grade prosthetic, I bid you farewell with this: