Death and it’s toll on the mind

Over the last 3 years, so much death has happened in my life. 5 people that were very close to me no longer exist, just out of the blue. Before this, my view of death was a distant possibility that was never thought of as anything more than what would happen in the future and what also happens on movies. It happens to old people, or so I thought.
A friend of mine who used to be a co-worker was in his 50’s and retired early. We were close to getting together for a week, and out of the blue I recieved an email from his wife’s daughter informing me of his passing. It hits you so hard when it’s that close to your life.
About 6 months after that, I got a call about my father’s passing. That alone rocked my world like nothing ever. I loved that man more than any other man on this planet, and learned how to put your all into everything you do in life. The funeral was very traumatic, and honestly I’m still not over it, even with it being over 1 year ago.
A couple of months later, my mother’s health depreciated and hit hospice. I was able to visit her then, and she was sedated the entire time. A little while after that time, she passed away as well. That was a seal broken, and honestly I felt like I’ve lost everything in my life all in one foul swoop. They were always there. I wasn’t able to go to her funeral due to financial reasons since I was living in a state about 1200 miles away at that time.

About 6 months after that, I got a message from the husband of a very close friend, saying that she passed away that evening from cardio issues at the hospital. That really hit me hard, she was very close since we both helped each other emotionally many years before and have always been there for each other.

To top it off, about a month ago a very close friend committed suicide. I was trying to help her through a tough spot in life and get her back on her feet again. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quick enough. It’s something to lose someone, it’s another thing to realize that it’s partially on your shoulders.

After all of this, the thought of death is numb. Having almost experienced it fully in 2007, and then having so many in my life experience it, there’s no explaining the mental tiredness. I hate to use military analogies, but honestly in my mind it feels like losing brothers on the field of battle.

As it stands now, I feel more for people who lose others. Far beyond I ever thought. This can be good or bad, as death should not be on the front of all thoughts in life.

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