mycleanpc joke

I loved this run-on joke when the software ‘my clean pc’ was actually taken seriously by some people 🙂 Not seen too often now, but it’s definitely worth a first read to get a little chuckle.

Before reading, I have to say I in NO way condone nor promote ‘My Clean PC’.  Stay as far from it as the plague.

—-

About eight months ago, I was searching around the internet to find
out why my computer was running so slowly (it normally ran quite fast,
but had gradually gotten slower over time). After a few minutes, I
found a piece of software claiming that it could speed up my PC and
make it run like new again. Being that I was dangerously ignorant
about technology in general (even more so than I am now), I downloaded
the software and began the installation. Mere moments after doing so,
my desktop background image was changed and warnings that appeared to
originate from Windows appeared all over the screen telling me to buy
strange software from an unknown company in order to remove a virus it
claimed I had.

I may have been ignorant about technology, but I wasn’t that naive. I
immediately concluded that the software I’d downloaded was, in fact, a
virus. In my rage, I broke numerous objects, punched a hole in the
wall, and cursed the world at the top of my lungs. I eventually calmed
down, cleared my head, and realized that the only remedy for this
problem was a carefully thought out plan. After a few moments of
pondering about how to handle this situation, I decided that since I
barely knew how to properly handle a computer, I should turn it over
to the professionals and let them fix the issue.

Soon after making the decision, I drove to a local computer repair
shop and entered the building with my computer in hand. They greeted
me with a smile and stayed attentive the entire time that I was
explaining the problem to them. They laughed as if they’d heard it all
before, told me that I’m not the only one who has trouble operating
computers, and then gave me a date for when the computer would be
fixed. Not only had they told me that the computer would be completely
repaired in at most two days, but the price for their services was
surprisingly low, and to top it all off, they even gave me advice for
how to avoid viruses in the future! I left the building feeling
confident in my decision to seek professional help and satisfied
knowing that such kind-hearted people were the ones doing the job.

The very next day, I received a phone call from the computer repair
shop whilst I was at a local library researching computer viruses. I
had stumbled upon a piece of software that appeared to be very
promising, and I was about to do more research on it, but seeing as
how I required my computer as soon as possible, I decided to put the
matter on hold. Upon answering the phone and cheerfully greeting the
person on the other end, I was greeted with a high-pitched shriek.
Startled, I asked what was wrong. A few moments passed where nothing
was said, and suddenly, the person on the other end said to me, in a
low voice oozing with paranoia, “Come pick up your computer.” They
hung up immediately after saying that, and I couldn’t help but notice
that they sounded as if they were on the verge of tears. I briefly
wondered if it was due to stress from work, and then drove to the
computer repair shop to acquire my computer.

I was positively dismayed upon entering the building. The inside of
the computer repair shop looked nothing like the image from my
memories. There were broken computer parts scattered throughout the
room, ceiling tiles all over the floor, blood splattered in every
direction I looked, and even a human toe on the ground. After
processing this disturbing information, I began panicking and
frantically looking around for my computer. I spotted an employee
covered in blood sitting up against the wall, and noticed that his
wrists had been slashed open. Thinking quickly, I ran up to him,
grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, shook him around, and began
screaming, “Where is it!? Where is my computer!?” After a moment of
silence, he passed away, completely shattering my expectations. Such a
thing! “What a meaningless individual,” I thought.

Enraged, I tore the building up even further than it already had been
in my desperate search for my computer. Eventually I discovered a door
leading to an area that was normally only accessible to employees. I
entered without hesitation and was met with a long, skinny hallway
that a single person would have trouble moving about freely in. I
proceeded down the dark hallway and bumped into the body of an
employee hanging from a rope tied to something on the ceiling. I
screamed, “Not only do you people have the gall to allow my computer
to be endangered, but even in death you intend to block my path!?”
After finally managing to push aside the worthless obstacle, I
traveled down the hallway and came to a small black door. I entered
without a moment’s notice, and in the middle of the dark and dreary
room, I spotted my computer; it was completely unharmed. With a sigh
of relief, I picked it up, left the building, and drove home as if
nothing of importance had occurred there.

Upon returning home and hooking up the computer (whilst wearing a
cheerful expression the entire time), I, to my horror, discovered that
the computer hadn’t been repaired. There was nothing in the world that
could have contained my fiery anger at that point. I broke almost
every single one of my possessions, smashed all the windows on my
house, physically abused my family, and then drove back to the
computer repair shop to defile the dead lumps of meat that had failed
to carry out the task I had given them. After realizing that I
shouldn’t be meaninglessly wasting my time with such worthless pieces
of trash, I remembered the piece of software that I’d discovered
earlier. With renewed confidence, I blissfully visited the local
library, downloaded the software, and took it home to install on my
computer.

I knew. I knew, even before installing it, that MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] would be my salvation. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would
come through with flying colors where no one else could. MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] would completely, totally, and utterly eradicate the
virus in the most merciless, efficient way possible. MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] was not a piece of software that could fail to meet my
exceedingly high expectations. MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] would not
fail me like all the other imbeciles had. At that point, it could be
said that I could genuinely see into the future and be accurate in my
predictions. I gleefully began installing MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com]
and laughed like a child at the thought of finally being able to
attain revenge upon the virus that had shamed me so.

I was absolutely in awe of MyCleanPC’s [mycleanpc.com] wonderfully
efficient performance. Without a single issue, MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] utterly annihilated in moments the virus that many
others had failed to remove after hours of attempts. I let out a
victory cry and swore to never turn to any “professionals” to fix my
computer ever again. Once again, I was able to predict the future. I
knew that I would never need any worthless “professionals” again as
long as I had MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] by my side.

MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] is outstanding! My computer is running
faster than ever! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] came through with flying
colors where no one else could! MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] totally
cleaned up my system, and increased my speed! I couldn’t believe how
much overclocking my gigabits and speed were doing! Even restructuring
the BIOS wouldn’t allow for the miraculously high degrees of
efficiency that MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] allowed me to attain.

I highly and wholeheartedly recommend that you use MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] if you’re having any computer troubles whatsoever. In
fact, even if you’re not having any visible problems, I still
recommend that you use MyCleanPC. [mycleanpc.com] There could be
dormant or hidden viruses on your system, or problems that MyCleanPC
[mycleanpc.com] could easily and efficiently resolve. Just by using
MyCleanPC, [mycleanpc.com] your gigabits will be running at maximum
efficiency, and at last, you’ll be overclocking with the rest of us!
What are you waiting for!? Get MyCleanPC [mycleanpc.com] today!

MyCleanPC: For a Cleaner, Safer PC. [mycleanpc.com]