The Loss of Someone Close is incalculable

Today I lost someone I’ve known for 4 years due to suicide. It hurts extremely, because there’s an entire array of voices in your head always questioning everything you’ve done. It’s so sudden, so absolute. One moment they’re in your life, then suddenly they don’t exist. It almost feels like a part of your life has been erased, also.
The human emotional roller coaster is unpredictable, and I’m hoping to find the surface of the water before it drowns me.