Feeling like I’ve gone through more than one life at a time…

My dreams have always been a major part of my life, and when I was young I tried to read them to learn. I never really was successful, since they never played into the generation I’m in. I pushed it into the background, but honestly it’s been like living two lives. I’ve been tired and chaotic mentally through the day while in high school. After, I dove into lack of sleep, and focusing the anger/resentment I felt into coding C/C++ and learning assembly language. It helped.. but I still went through it.
Now at my age (38), I’m still having the same dream styles, but my worry is how it’s effecting my daily work. New studies in neurological activities shows that the REM state may actually be lasting longer than my non-REM sleep state. The studies are showing that extensively detailed negative dream patterns emerge during REM but are normally mellowed by the non-REM. In my case, every morning I have taste/smell/sounds in my head of war scenarios… stemming back to before the American civil war, through to World War 2. (never later) I’m cold now about it, I just want it to end. Or do I? I don’t know. The chaos inside is what I want to end… I learn a lot about life by experiencing the dreams, really.

It’s what I’m doing now, and hoping that something rises to help. It’s happened since I was about 7-8. I’m not sure how an isolated 8 year old can have dreams of something they’ve never read or watched.. but I digress.
As a teen I was close to offing myself because of the mental stress, now it’s a mission. The more I learn, the more I can help. This may help others, since I’m sure I’m not the only one.

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